Black Tar Heroin Is My Fallback Plan

Tokyo was a good time, but every time I get on a boat or a plane I come back worse off than before, and in so many ways.

After living down the road in a temporary barracks for a couple months, while our old one was being painted, we are finally moved back in. I didn’t much care before, but now that I’m back it’s pretty nice. We’re closer to work, the water pressure is actually decent here, and the rooms are just nicer. The only disparaging thing I have to say about it is that were a lot farther from the gate, which means more honcho rides. Moving has also demonstrated to me how much useless shit I’ve managed to gather around me. So now I’m doing something which I used to do probably once a year, but really have been putting off for almost three now: Going through everything I own and throwing everything that isn’t vital away. This usually means getting rid of a lot of books, CDs etc., but since I don’t have the option of a trip to Half Price Books a lot of it’s going in a box to wait for the next time I go home. It’s also dug up a lot of half finished projects that I need to finish; if I ever get around to it some people can expect to get stuff in the mail.

I read Tropic of Cancer and I can’t remember the last time I was so excited by a book. The only thing that killed me about it was this wild swing in tone, where in one instant he’s out with his friends and they’re having wild times, and I’ve almost never heard better stories; and then the next he spends half a chapter in soliloquy waxing poetic about the human condition and the filth surrounding him and filling him and it’s all I can do to keep from skipping forward and looking for quotation marks. The maddening thing is that even though 99% of his monologues are bullshit he still drops these occasional lines that are amazing, I just want to frame them or tattoo them on my body or something.

Halfway now, and then new beginnings.

Oft neglected, I guess. Work is something that may have fucked me over for the month of June. There was supposed to be a week with my family and then an exercise at Fuji, but now they’re sending me to push paper because the guy we sent before is a failure. Everything always seems timed so wrong.

Can you have a domestic front without a home? Anyway some personal plans are going ahead or have flattened out some. Health is still being worked on and I’m still reading, which I think is back for good. I might be in a regret phase right now, but I guess drinking has done wonders for my life anyway. Also saving money better by drinking cheaper, though not necessarily less. Some things had a deadline for the end of Summer, but will likely change for the new assignment. The highlight of the last three weeks is that they have been stocking Shiner Bock, and now they have taken that away from me.

So a downward spiral definitely hit its end on Tuesday night. In any case I’m going to give up drinking, at least for awhile. This trip to Korea has ruined me. Pretty much all I’ve done since I arrived is indulge in vice, spend all my money, and drink myself into oblivion at every opportunity. This isn’t really how I saw things turning out. I need to get back to Okinawa and I need to take a break from myself. I guess I’ve seen this coming for awhile, and though it had evened out into more of a sustainable, if not ideal, groove now it’s gotten way out of hand and I’ve been doing things I didn’t think myself capable of, or at least I wouldn’t do so casually. But I guess this isn’t the first time.

I need a change. I’m going to change. A Vicious change.