Black Tar Heroin Is My Fallback Plan

It’s nice to be back in Okinawa. As far away from what I really consider home, it really is a place I’m comfortable now. And it’s so beautiful when you come sailing into the shore. I guess I missed it when I flew in, but from the deck of a boat is really the way to see anything tropical with white sands and blue water.

No time to really settle in though, we’re moving barracks in a couple weeks, and then again in a couple months. And the weather’s gonna get hotter soon and everything but at least it doesn’t hurt to go outside anymore.

I need something to occupy me besides the usual and I think one way to do this is to start with charts.

I’ve got what appears to be five more days out here in Korea, and for all the harm I’ve brought on myself out here I’m sad to go. I part with images of snow covered forests and a hilltop view of a city by the bay. Everything is neutral now, and as long as I am distracted I will keep away from the extremes. Things to wonder though: What to do, and how to do it once I return to Okinawa. School, more tattoos, getting healthy, meditation?

I’ve read more books since arriving in Korea than I had all 2007 it feels like. I forgot what reading, and keeping reading does for me. It’s bad in ways, an endless fireworks of thought again, where before it was quieter, but also it is life again. Everything is more likely now.

I’m going to do something when I get back that I haven’t in a few years and it’s overdue, where before I didn’t think I should till the end of this period. I’m going to go through everything and burn it all to the basics and anything vestigial I’ll let dry and fall off like clean, ash leaves. This year is busy being born, and I am through dying.